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Thursday, 22 September 2011

Five-A-Side Shouters

There he goes almost running the channels,
Always one in every team -
All the players try and ignore,
He's a five-a-side shouter.
Plays himself up front
And tells you how to defend
You want to tell him to fuck off
But then he goes and scores again.
A simple tap in
He's missed about twenty three!
But he's still scored more than you or me.
Patronising, post-match
Well done to you and you and you
Their keeper was great, we were lucky to scrape through!
Half blind, their keeper. A midfield combined age of eighty three!
Nevertheless your seething resentment subsides
Slips off, diminished
And you pray next week
To be playing that team with Richard Shaw.

Friday, 9 September 2011

Paul Mariner, Bunnyman

He played as a striker,
He won quite a few cups,
He's managed in the USA
And at Plymouth had quite a look.
I'm not talking about when he played there
This overshadows all of his goals
But when he stood upon the touchline
A shade of the Ian McCullochs.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

Ode to Gary Mabbutt

He only won two trophies
And he's remembered for his knee
But Gary Mabbutt commands a space
In many people's hearts.

Ask the general public
Who's the nicest man in footie?
Most will say Lineker
But I'd remember Mabbsy.

He won sixteen caps for England
He played over six hundred league games
All the while he had diabetes
And never complained.

His broken legs were devastating
His own goal lost the cup
But injecting an orange on Blue Peter
More than makes that up.

For Gary Mabbutt was more than a footballer
He seemed a normal bloke
And his greatest ever performance
Was on The Queen's Nose.

The Decline and Fall of Portsmouth F.C.

Many reasons were given
But none totally convince
As to why Pompey
Almost ceased to exist.

Was it Redknapp's expensive binges
Backed by Gaydamak?
Or was it all hungover
From the reign of Mandaric?

I have a simple solution
It occurred at Wembley
Almost exactly half an hour
After a goal off Kanu's knee.

Something had to give
Something came a cropper:
Big David Nugent
Subbed on for John Utaka.

Tuesday, 6 September 2011