Gaël Givet

Downtrodden he peers,
One brow always cocked higher than the other,
Like a minor character in
Madame Bovary.
But those Norman towns
Sun-swept in a ciderhaze
So far from Arles!
If he did not rise each morning
And to Brockhall go
He would surely be one of those
Perpetually anonymous caricatures -
The French peasant
Avec pitchfork, hay bailer, cap wearer,
Moleskin waistcoat too tight
Braces a-loosed.

Wand of a left foot

Like a scotch egg
Kicked half to death
Covered with a ketchup sash
It's Charlie Adam.

Dalglish Etheree

There
Was no
Need to come
Back to the league.
Special flickers like
The time you told Wenger
"It's a penalty, piss off."
But now you're the worst of them all
With your DVDs and your referees
Just leave it to Alex, it's been too long.

Sayonara Di Franceso (A Neopolitan Ghazal)*

To leave unrecognised, the stranger in the rain
His dreams unrealised, the stranger in the rain.

He stands humbled in the Parthenopean storm
Cheeks damp from tears he's cried, the stranger in the rain.

Those festive colours the yellow-red hold no cheer
A job by no one prized, that stranger in the rain.

He relied on loan signings, gifts from Udine
Short term he specialised, the stranger in the rain.

Looks back at Zeman let loose with his charge of old
By presidents chastised, the stranger in the rain.

He dreams of lacing up his boots again for Rome
Each loss he's penalised, the stranger in the rain.



*This poem is from the future, Eusebio Di Francesco has not been sacked (yet) and it has only proved that the ghazal form is of little use when it comes to satirical football poetry, who knew?

Championship Blues

There's only one last eagle
To grace this windy isle
And it lives in Lakeland
And never Selhurst Park.
And to my knowledge,
There has never been
A single wild lion
Stalking round these parts.

A clash of nature's finest
Beast and bird at one
How truly unfortunate
It occurs in Division One.

The Protracted Saga of Joleon Lescott to Manchester City (With Apologies To Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

In Liverpool did Joleon
A stately transfer-request decree:
Where Mersey, the sacred river, ran
Through canals made by man
    Down to the Irish sea.
So twice four miles of fertile ground
Where stands and concourse were girdled round:
And there were floodlights bright with sinuous filament,
Where beamed many lights illuminatory;
And here Eastlands ancient as the colliery,
Enfolding sunny spots of glory.

    But oh! that deep romantic river which slanted
    Down from Manchester to Goodison!
    A savage place! as monied and soulless
    As e'er beneath a blue moon was howled
    By men wailing for Colin Bell!
    And from this totem, with ceaseless mediocrity seething,
    As if this city in fast money sacks were awaking,
    A mighty saga momently was forced:
    Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
    Pound notes and coins vaulted like rebounding hail,
    Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail:
    And 'mid these dancing guineas at once and ever
    It flung up momently the Mersey river.
    Four miles square with a mazy motion
    Through Stretford and Warburton the Mersey river ran,
    Then reached the Cavern and penniless Goodison,
    And bathed royal blue in golden trim:
    And 'mid this tumult Joleon heard from far
    Sir Alex Ferguson prophesying war!

    The shadow of the Etihad
    Floated midway on the waves;
    Where was heard the jingling copper
    From the men who're paid.
It was a miracle of rare proportion,
Etihad sprung forth with the price!
    A brummie with a pot of gold
    In a vision he once saw:
    It was an Arabian man,
    And on the contract he signed,
    Singing of the Champions League.
    Could I provoke David Moyes
    His harsh words and hate,
    To such a deep pocket 'twould win me,
That with music loud and long,
I would play in the Champions League,
The Etihad! those sky blue turrets!
And everyone shall see me there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
Rooney's red eyes, his brand new hair!
Weave a circle round me thrice,
And close mine eyes to win the ball,
For Joleon on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.

Spazialismo

Sons of Rosario
Born in separate centuries
Recalibrated European space.
Manifesto blanco, a rupture
In the canvas
A rupture open to oblivion
Manifesto blaugrana, the result of Concetto spaziele,
La fine di Dio.*
On that green field space made manifest
Another green field, diminutive D10S
Footsteps in knifemarks.


Notes:
*http://c48743.r43.cf3.rackcdn.com/Images/2010_06/29/0024/888175/Temp_232207af-52cd-4d32-a135-c0e5ad5c31e9_36c340a1-e7de-4a29-90a9-8091c04ad599_338.Jpeg